The holiday season is a time of traditions. Cutting down and decorating the Christmas tree.
Driving around town to see the holiday lights. Lighting a menorah or playing dreidel with family
and friends. Attending a religious service on Christmas Eve. Feasting and sharing stories while
gathering to celebrate Kwanzaa. Leaving cookies and milk for Santa, and opening presents on
Christmas day. Traditions bring back warm memories of togetherness that we come back to year
after year. Well, I have a suggestion for a new tradition that will last year-round and bring
benefits for many years to come.
Over the past 20 years, I have counseled thousands of kids and parents, and I have two grown
kids of my own. In my practice, I have seen close families and families that were falling apart.
While my family certainly has had its ups and downs, I am so thankful I can tell you that we
were able to stay close when my boys were at home and have remained a close family to this
day.
While there are several factors that have influenced that, there is one tradition we started and
maintained that I believe occupies the top ranked spot. In fact, second place isn’t even close.
The number one factor?
A regular family time.
The word “regular” is important. It means that you do it in a scheduled, not haphazard, way.
You prioritize it. This sends the unmistakable message to your kids that your family (which
includes them) is valuable and that you are going to invest in it (and in them) on a regular basis.
There are two components of a good family time, and they can take place in any order, but they
should both be there. The first is a fun activity. That can include anything from having ice cream
together to playing a game or cards or even a fun outing (e.g., putt-putt golf). The goal is simply
to have a fun time together as a family. This builds family cohesion, positive family memories,
and contributes to positive sibling relationships. If you are thinking that your kids get along so
poorly that they would sabotage a fun activity, then keep it short and manageable and focus on
the second component below.
The second component is meaningful discussion. In one of our very first family times, our
meaningful discussion was simply making a list of topics that we all wanted to talk about in
future family times. Topics can include being respectful, solving problems, how to talk to each
other, listening, sharing, having devotional time related to our faith (age appropriate), being
flexible, how to make good choices, peer pressure, and the list goes on. There are also many
books on family times that you can read, with fun activities and object lessons. My book, 8
Simple Tools for Raising Great Kids has lots of material that would be perfect for family times
and Keep the Siblings/Lose the Rivalry includes 15 family-time discussion guides in the appendix
If you want a close family, beginning the tradition of a regular family time will get you started in
the right direction. This holiday season is a perfect time to start your family time tradition and,
in the years to come, your kids will thank you for it.